So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
