He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
