Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
