$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
