She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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