Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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