You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
