I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
