Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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