Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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