WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
