he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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