went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
