I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
