and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
