i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
