If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
