sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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