I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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