mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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