i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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