Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
