it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my being single is dangerous.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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