I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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