I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
