sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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