Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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