New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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