you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
