I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
