No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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