i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
