I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
