My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
