i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
