she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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