She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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