so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
