Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
