just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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