Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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