why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
