very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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