To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
