If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
