why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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