i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
