how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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