her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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