I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
