I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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