I didn't shave. On purpose
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
