Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
