I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
