he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize