that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
