I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
