glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
