I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
