dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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