apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
