My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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