He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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