There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
