We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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