I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
