Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
