Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
